Despite my previous post , people remain unconvinced about me disallowing the next Da Vinci Code movie to be filmed in the Vatican City. It's not the movie we have the issue with, but the actor Tom Hanks. Every movie he’s ever made has attacked the Church and attempted to undermine everything we believe in:

Splash: The mermaid is an abomination! A result of the unholy coupling of man and fish! And Tom Hanks spends the whole movie trying to have sex with it! Even though they’re not married! And if they wanted to get married, we’d be against that, too!

Big: Tom Hanks’s character is a small boy who looks like an adult, and then a woman wants to have sex with him. An adult attempting to have sex with a 12-year-old boy? I can’t even tell you how against that we are. 

Cast Away: Tom Hanks is a skinny guy with long hair and a beard who suffers while shirtless. All throughout his suffering, he talks to an imaginary being only he can hear. Jesus, that sounds familiar.

Toy Story: Tom Hanks plays a character named Woody, which of course is another word for “boner”. Like we wouldn’t notice that one.

Turner and Hooch: This one’s about this really dirty dog who makes Tom Hanks's life difficult. And since “dog” is a well-known anagram of “god”, it’s pretty clear what they’re trying to say. And plus, it’s pretty annoying how you can never remember which one’s Turner and which one’s Hooch. Hooch was the dog, right?

The Money Pit: Okay, so the house represents the Catholic church, right? And it sucks away the livelihood of the couple who live in it, who represent all the world’s Catholics. And the bathtub represents baptism. And all the guys working on the house represent priests. Oh, and isn’t there a part where Tom Hanks falls through the floor? That’s the crucifixion. Or the sermon on the mount, maybe. No, wait! Tom Hanks represents Judas. Wait, I kind of lost where was I going with this. Anyway, it’s been a long time since I saw it. And if I remember right, it kind of sucked. So, we’re against it.

Joe Vs. The Volcano: Worship of false idols. 

That Thing You Do: The devil’s music.

Bonfire of the Vanities: Vanity.

The Da Vinci Code: The book was way better.