Life just ain't fair. Well, really, science ain't fair.

I don't ask much of science. Keep finding new ways to stimulate me brain, keep stuffing caramel in chocolate, and cure a disease for a bald kid now and then. I give support where I can - the blokes at Pfizer send me a gift basket every year. So I was a little hurt to see this: myrmekiaphilia neilyoungi.

Jesus, Neil Young gets a spider named after him and I don't? Me? An animal lover nonpareil? Neil's goddaughter-in-toke? There's tons of new species out there to hang my name on. It don't have to be some preening, priggish lemur or anything. Give the cute critters to the debutantes; I'll take this little guy:

Proceratophrys winehousei. What do you think? I want in on this species trend before everybody has a canis jessicaalbas or felis foxybrowni. Puke.

I'll even take a virus. Got a new crippling pox where your bones turn to plants or something? Winehouse Syndrome. I'll even start a charity for a cure. Blimey, that's a popping tax scheme, innit? Winehouse Discombobulating Syndrome. Show the love, science.