All of you who ain't bought the re-issue of me breakthrough album Frank? You got some shopping to do. Stop whatever you think is giving your life meaning—you're wrong. Only Frank has meaning.  Why should you drop 13 quid on the new Frank?

Royalties go to a worthy cause: I got mice that need food. I got cats that'll eat the mice if they don't get food. I got turtles that tried to chomp off Doherty's toe when I forgot to feed them.

Authenticity:  Play the album in front of those "idol" singers from the telly and their ears will actually catch fire and their skin will melt. Yay!

Hidden "I'm No Good" outtake: Okay, most of this is me and a backup singer playing vodka tag (don't ask... seriously, I don't remember the rules) and then I start playing some drums with me feet, but somewhere in there, I tell the band to drop the song into a minor key. Blew the fucker wide open! Musical history being made, wasn't it?

Studio patter with Big Mama Thornton: Island Records sez this track is me talking to no one. Sucks to that. You just have to know how to listen. Big Mama will cure your soul sickness, babies. But if you rip this album from Limewire, Big Mama will do a Poltergeist on you.

The old version gives you cancer: Enough said. See you at the record store!