The reviews are in from my first State of the Union address, and frankly I'm a little disappointed. Some right-wingnuts are saying I was too partisan, blaming Bush for a trillion-dollar deficit I inherited.

As if! Who wouldn't mind inheriting a trillion dollars?

But I can't give up that Dubya punch line--it's my best shtick. So I'm going on the offensive. Tomorrow, at a live press conference, I'm going to blame George W. Bush for:

The two missed free throws I clanged off the rim in yesterday's weekly White House basketball scrimmage.

The towel that was left on the floor in the Oval Office shower. Unh-uh, Michelle--it ain't mine!

The stock market dropping to its lowest point since November of 2008. When I wasn't president yet, I might add.

The fact that your stupid spider plant has got some kind of fungus on it or something.

And all the other crappy stuff that's happening in your life that you haven't got anybody else to blame for. It ain't me babe--it's the GOP!

And now, the Republican response from sort-of-person of color Bobby Jindal.