It has been recently suggested that in protest of gay marriage being illegal in some states that all gay people will one day call in "gay" to work.

Many people have laughed at the idea, but it is a fact that 10% of the population is gay and 90% of the population of my personal assistants, hair, make up, and wardrobe people are gay!  Without these people I'll look a total of 136 years older! And what will happen to my theater tickets tonight!

This problem isn't just limited to Broadway and off Broadway and places in Harlem I shouldn't mention either. Think of the tabloids which have been oh so good to me. I mean what will happen if suddenly every gay celebrity didn't show up to work one day? No more hours of speculation on who's gay in Hollywood and chances are Artie Lange would have a heart attack if he was the only one left to entertain a whole nation for an entire day!

Honestly I'm not against gay marriage, nor am I against calling in "gay" to work (in fact on multiple occasions I suggested that very same idea to Rosie) but what will happen to my theater tickets? Will I get a refund or tickets to another showing? I've been waiting months to see Cats for a third time. If anyone knows please contact my personnel chef as he will be taking over all the duties of everyone on my staff for the day.