There's a pissy little rumor going around about my company, InterActiveCorp. Reports have surfaced that a power failure has shut down operations in my steadfast West Side Highway headquarters, screwing productivity and killing a night's worth of juicy profits that I rake in when I rent out the downstairs event space. 

I know what they'll be saying:

1) that I'm a cheapskate who doesn't pay the bills
2) that I'm a moron who hires people who don't pay the bills
3) that I'm a hippie who wants to "conserve energy" (oh HELL no)
4) or that I'm a masochist who wanted to play a cruel prank on my lazy maintenance staff by peeing all over the circuit breakers after an eight-martini lunch at Del Posto with Eddie Bronfman.

Actually, that last one might be kind of true. So I'm going to distract all you by talking smack about Rupert Murdoch instead.  Shall we start?

Rupe invested in a bunch of TV channels in India!   Yes, that's right, Indian TV channels. I know all about those because Diane makes me watch them with her sometimes when she's doing background research for her resort-wear collections. I've got to say I don't mind those supple, clean-shaven young game-show hosts dressed like Liberace on acid, but that's not the point. My point, Rupe, is that television is dead dead deadsy dead.  The future is interactive media.  If you're investing in anything in India, it should be bargain-basement software developers, not television for Christ's sake.

And the old buzzard says he's working on a "global stock index," too.  Somebody's getting senile, folks.

PS: Rupe, you know I'm just having some harmless fun.  Now how about that voicemail I left you last week about selling Cornerstone to you?  Paper catalogs might be backwards, but so are all those sheep who read the Post.