I’ve already stated that if you do not fear a recession, it will not occur. To put it in terms the average fratty Wall Street trader would comprehend, you need brass balls.

I was hesitant to cut rates drastically because I thought Wall Street banks had some balls. They didn’t, and are now downsizing and firing CEOs. Then I thought the big buyout private equity shops still had some balls. It turned out their balls were just highly leveraged. Private equity kings like Steve Schwarzman and co. are now begging the Arabs for debt. Even Bill Gates is being nice. Venture capitalists may be our only hope.

Venture capitalists are the first to admit that they’re mostly sheep. That’s why it’s essential that the first words out of their mouths are bullish — the rest will follow along. So I was pleased when one of my interns RSSed me this post titled Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Recession? by venture capitalist Jeff Bussgang. VC Will Price also showed some ballsyness on his blog. Another venture capitalist, Jeremy Liew, discovered that U.S. productivity is up as searches for porn have fallen to only 6%.

To encourage this trend, we’re considering helicoptering in more money to the VC asset class through both monetary and fiscal policy. The Fed will start lending money to venture funds at a 1% interest rate so they can leverage their deals 5x to achieve faster growth for their portfolio companies. I will also have a conversation with key members of congress and my old boss, President Bush, about ending the injustice of charging capital gains tax on carried interest. Given their innovativeness, VCs shouldn’t have to pay any tax on their profits. Our economic stimulus package will eliminate the unjust tax on the ballsy.