Now that my wife's futile campaign for the Presidency has been euthanized, I can go back to being bawdy, lovable Bill with the skyrocketing approval ratings. To do so I must take the following steps:

Attend a National Disaster:  Big George Bush and I used to attend every national disaster that occurred: Katrina, Micronesia, the Tigers bullpen in the '06 World Series. I need to get to the next national disaster, and quick. But I won't help out in Iowa with the floods. I've spent so much time there when I pass a cow it says "BILLLLLLLLL!" And Barack's home state probably doesn't need my help as it is the fairy tale capitol of America. It would be like going to a flood in OZ. You spend all day lifting dwarfs over your head.

Lift a dwarf over my head:  People do love dwarves. They're so cute. You can get more babes walking a dwarf then a prize winning Yorkshire Terrier.

Write a 1000-page book: Possible topics include How to Spend a Year as Second Fiddle when Everyone Knows you're First Seat Saxophone and Watermelon Farming for Idiots.

Find a cause:  That Gore lucked into global warming like a drunk, blind man into a pole. I'm going with penguins. Everyone loves penguins. They were box office gold. Gold I say! I have my movie title picked out. A Factuality that may not be Pleasing. The movie poster is me in a tuxedo tickling a dead penguin. A powerful message.