As viewers of the Factor know, I do not coddle. I've written often about my working class Levittown background and I stand firm that what I wrote had truth to it. So when I read about penguins being effected by climate change and fishing habits, I become skeptical, America. Very, very skeptical.

Let's start out with what's obvious. Penguins being effected by global climate change? They live in Antarctica!  Even if it is getting a bit warmer, that can only help them. 

The Times tells us that breeding pairs have decreased by 22 percent since 1987, well maybe they're just not working hard enough at getting laid? My breeding pairs have increased by at least 22 percent since 1987, and do you know why?  Because I recognized that there was a problem, so I became a celebrity and started getting girls. If penguins are to become a part of this society that we take seriously, they've got to start that by taking some personal responsibility.

And let's not forget one more thing. Do you know where penguins live? Antarctica. I'm here in America. I don't see the connection! Take a look at this penguin and tell me what's wrong with the picture:

That's right. He's gotten so fat and lazy from American aid packages that he can't even sit up!

Shouldn't the Antarctican government be dealing with this issue? Is there a reason that we hard working American tax payers should have to deal with penguin problems? The only penguins I want to hear about are in Pittsburgh and the zoo, alright? Let's be honest, OK? The only reason these guys are getting a spot in the paper is because the left-wing media is pro-penguin. Try to spin THAT, Franken.