I love you, Paul McGuinness, all 317 pounds of you. But the title of this post is my way of saying I also hate you a little. You've always been like a band manager to me, which means you're a glorified Reuben Kincaid, so how and why is it you're stealing my rightful press all the time lately?

 You've been making too many headlines. Bitching about ISPs? Claiming that Radiohead's pay-whatever-you-want-for-our-majorly-gay-album-In-Rainbows was a failed enterprise? Well, at least we know one thing: Turns out you CAN give away Radiohead's muzak.

Who knew, right?

Paul, everyone already thinks we're greedy for our little royalty tax maneuvering. You make it worse when you go blurting out actual figures, a la your January speech at Cannes:

"What U2 and I also understood instinctively from the start was that they had 2 parallel careers first as recording and songwriting artists, and second as live performers. They've been phenomenally successful at both. The Vertigo Tour in 2005/2006 grossed $355m and played to 4.6m people in 26 countries.

But I'm not here to brag. I'm here to ask some serious questions and to point the finger at the forces at work that are destroying the recorded music industry."

Not here to brag? Indeed, more like "I'm here to whine because I'm a whiny bitch." Your petty gripes are galling even to me, broseph. Ease up. Take a breath. Have another Red Bull and Ding-Dong -- on me. We can afford it. We're set for life.

Well -- and I may flinch a bit here, so please don't hit me again -- U2 is not afraid to fire you!

That's right. As I myself sang on our recently remixed War album (hitting stores July 22!) it takes a second to say goodbye, pull the plug, say bye-bye. Don't for a minute think I'm too chicken to have Adam or Edge fire you. Because I'm not.

 (Photo by LiveU4 via Flickr.)