I win! I win! I showed George Clooney who is boss! I have been running for my life from George for over a week now. Ever since he threatened to kill me for being better than he is, I have been dodging his assassination attempts. I live in my car so I can always keep moving. I haven’t eaten anything for days to avoid potential poisoning. I use a new cell phone every time I call to check in on Ang and the kids so I can’t be traced. The last time I called her, she told me I was weak and that she needed a real man, not one who only played one in movies. She can’t say that to me! I’m Brad Pitt and I am really good looking! So I stopped running and decided to face danger, aka George Clooney, head on.
He and I were scheduled to be working on our latest film together in New Jersey. I knew I couldn’t take him on the set. It would be too dangerous for the cast and crew. I’d have to take him out in a way that let him know I meant business but wouldn’t arouse the suspicions of the police or media. Arouse … hmmm … I am aroused now just thinking about what a freaking man I am!
So I hired a lady who was willing to do my dirty work if I let her stand next to me for one minute, to run Clooney off the road! It was too easy! Clooney is such a rebel; he was breaking the law when he tried to pass her on the right, while he was on his motorcycle. Ha ha! He might even get in trouble! The next morning on the set, everything was a little tense but basically back to normal. George even acted as if he hadn’t been trying to kill me and like he didn’t know it was me who had caused his accident. It was almost like I had created this all out my own paranoia! As if I could be that crazy!