So this is how the Iron Chef felt on episode 39—“The Beef Kabob Looked Better as a Recipe.” Here I am, trying to whip up a way to combat a civil war masquerading in print as an insurgency, when I know full well that it’s impossible with the forces I have on hand. I mean, if anyone had taken the time to sample, let alone digest, my 240-page counterinsurgency manual, they’d see that they’re using a short-order chef to prepare a dinner gala at the White House.
Now, I’m not trying to “sugarcoat” things, or “put lipstick on a pig”, or anything like that. Sure, I’ve served up my share of delicious reports on the effects of my new “counterterrorism” strategy, which is essentially the same bland strategy and tactics that my predecessor was using, but with a tastefully different name. I wrote the book on counterterrorism; I must be the best guy for the job.
And if all else fails, we’ll just put mustard on this shit sandwich and choke it down.
(I’ve actually had one before, during my first stint in Iraq — except we didn’t have mustard. I think it was a shit panini)