My advisors tell me that our old foe “Al Qaeda” is making a comeback in Afghanistan. You may remember Afghanistan as the place John Rambo defeated the Russians; a desolate place of dust and wind. I know it as the home of the most feared “Al Qaeda” operative of them all: Osama Bin Ladin. If the enemy is trying to make a comeback in the East and South, there’s only one thing we can do to counter them. I think you know where I’m going with this.
That’s right, a massive “Troop Surge.” This one at the border of Pakistan. We push thousands of troops up to the border, to control the inflow of miscreants, and make it safe for Afghanistan’s fledgling government to develop. If you’d like better numbers, you’ll have to wait for my staff to finish projecting, but just off the top of my head, I’d say 20,000 or 30,000 troops would be able to effectively seal the border, from the Khyber Pass to the deserts south of Kandahar.
I’m not seeing many negatives here, and one overwhelming positive is that the troops we’d be using for the surge in Afghanistan would be coming from Iraq. That’s right—instead of another grueling deployment to some horrible, accursed city-graveyard swarming with hate-filled insurgents, three or four lucky units could instead expect to be deployed to a place you hear so little about it *must* be a worthy cause. Afghanistan!