You guys honestly don't think I have a good exit plan? What's the first rule in making a kick ass action film? Always bet on black. (That's why I doubled down my personal investment to my campaign with an 11 million dollar bet for Barack in political futures gambling.) But the second rule in making a kick ass action flick is always end the story with a climactic chase scene. So here's what I'm thinking:
INT. NONDESCRIPT AND SMOKY BACK ROOM
Barack sits at a round table surrounded by guards who are brandishing automatic weapons. At the other end of the table is me, flanked by my entourage. My number one, Chelsea, stands directly behind my chair. She is wearing an eye patch and has a reputation for only arming herself with hunting knifes -- which has earned her the nickname Daughter Dagger. Barack slides some papers across the table.
Barack:
"Just sign here and we have a deal. You'll be Vice President on condition that I never see your ugly face during my term."
I pick up my steel-tip pen and start to sign it. Then stop.
Me:
"Well you know what they say about beauty."
Barack:
"What's that?"
All of a sudden, with the skill of a ninja, I back-flip onto the table then perform a flying leap and stab the pen into Barack's eyeball.
Me:
"It's in the eye of the beholder."
As Barack's men go for their guns, Daughter Dagger throws knifes slicing the arteries at their wrists before they can fire a shot. A chase up the stairwell ensues. We bust out a door and on to the top of a 50-story skyscraper. With an ak-47 pointed at us, Barack has Chelsea and I cornered. We get to the ledge and peer down to the miniature cars and ant-like people below.
Barack:
"Well I knew you were going down, but I didn't think it would be this far of a fall."
Me:
"See you in hell."
We jump and it looks like we've chosen a suicide plunge when out of nowhere Bill swoops in on the chopper. I catch the bottom platform and Chelsea grabs hold of my leg. I pull myself up with one arm and climb into the helicopter. I start to pull up Chelsea, then let my grip slip. She looks horrified, knowing I could easily pull her onto safety.
Me:
"You always were dead weight."
I drop her and she falls to her death. Inexplicably the chase has continued on jet skis. Barack is closing in on me fast. The camera pans out and the audience sees a big oil tanker approaching from another direction. There are a series of cuts between Barack and I shooting our guns on our jet skis and the tanker blowing its horn and chugging along. The cuts get more frequent. Then finally my jet ski crashes into the ship causing a huge explosion. Barack cuts his sideways, narrowly avoiding a similar fate.
Barack:
"Game over bitch."
EXT. TROPICAL ISLAND
I somehow faked the explosion and am now lounging in a beach chair in front of a gorgeous Caribbean landscape. We pan out further and see some supporters gathered with "Hillary for President" signs. In fine print it reads "of the Dutch Antilles".
BLACKOUT