In this week’s edition of “It Sucks to Be You, But Not as Much as It Sucks to Be Me,” math teacher-turned-billionaire money manager Jeffery Epstein’s legal problems keep getting worse. Masseuses who turn out to be prostitutes who turn out to be underage girls who turn out to be transsexual men…BORING!!! Just another example of the American MEDIA lambasting a financial GENIUS because they can’t wrap their Marxist Cheech and Chong rhetorical snoot around the complicated world of equity trading.

I mean, Epstein didn’t even have SEX with the woman/girl/man. He is accused of getting a massage, and then happily ending himself while she/he blew kisses at him. Ha! In my jail cell, that’s how we pass the Tuesday afternoons. Except I always have to play masseuse, and DeMarcus always gets to play Jeffrey Epstein.