Possibly flying under the radar given CNN’s Dirty Sanchez Debacle, but just in time to promote the new season of her show, today’s US Weekly features my girl Sarah Silverman speaking truth to power about taking her proverbial pound of flesh from Britney Spears at the VMAs. Sarah is shocked, nay, appalled, that some of you are shocked, nay appalled, by her well-established brand of comedic depravity.
For those who can’t remember past last night’s season premiere of Heroes, my girl put the fork in the turkey that was Britney’s comeback by later referring to Britney’s two sons as “the most adorable mistakes you will ever see.”
“I mean, sure I can be a little subversive from time to time,” Sarah said as we walked along Sunset. She was doing some charitable work, handing out expired fast food coupons to the homeless. “But I’m not here to stir up any real trouble.”
“People were upset that I gave God human needs,” she continued, putting some Monopoly money in an envelope bound for the Christian Children’s Fund. “But if God were offended, I wouldn’t have a successful cable TV show. I’d wake up as the star attraction in a Bangkok whorehouse because I had a superfluous vagina on the back of my head.”
“Good comedy is all about juxtaposition,” Sarah groused later that day, as we drove through East L.A. handing out invitations to a Young Republicans Immigration Debate and Pig Roast. “When Jimmy did that OnStar commercial in which he mistakes valet service with a car-jacking? Hee-larious! Some would say it exacerbates the growing climate of racial mistrust. To me, it’s just a comedy of privileged misunderstanding as adorable as anything on Benson or Who’s The Boss?”
“Usually, the only crimes I can acceptably commit against children are on my show. Peeps want to make it like I implied that Britney was either too stupid to stay on her birth control cycle, twice, or stupid enough to think that having not one but two kids would save a doomed marriage to some punk-ass, dope-dealing backup dancer hustling his way into the bosoms of some arrested-adolescent celebrity. But really, it’s only a projection of my intense fear of spawning some fleshy barnacle that’s going to grow up and understandably kill me in my sleep. That’s the delicious irony of it all.”
With that, girlfriend dropped me off at home. My night was over, but Sarah still had some children’s swings to sabotage under cover of darkness.
That’s my Sarah. Too committed for this world to appreciate.