Well it looks like the folks with hair have screwed it up again. The whole financial system, built by WASPs with full heads of hair is crumbling and who does the world turn to in order to save the day? The Bald. Seems like whenever trouble hits our fair country the Bald Men are called to action.
Our saviors this time, Paulson and Bernake, have less than six working follicles between them. Chris Cox, the Chairman of the SEC, is trying to help, but he spent half of the time in the $700 billion bailout meeting trying to get that darn cowlick to stay down. Cox seems more focused on whether or not he should frost his tips then save the world.
You see that is why we bald folk are always good in a crisis, total focus. We don't have to worry about shampooing, rinsing and repeating; we don't concern ourselves with hair dryers or the wind messing up our coif; we don't have hot women lusting after us that could distract us from the task at hand. Lets look at other events and see how the Bald factor pattern holds up:
Only investment bank still surviving, Goldman Sachs run by the Bald Lloyd Blankefield
Greatest athletes of all time, Michael Jordan, Barry Bonds and Tiger Woods, Bald, Bald and Balding (yeah, Tiger everyone knows)
When you really need an action star who does Hollywood turn to? The chrome domes of Bruce Willis, Samuel L. Jackson and to a lesser extent the toupee-wearing Steven Segal.
Who do our enemies fear the full head of hair that is George Bush or the bald pate of Dick Cheney?
Other powerful baldies of note: Chairman Mao of China, George Forman, Ed Koch, Madeline Albright, Dwight Eisenhower, Darth Vader (I know his hair was burned off, but it still counts), Gerald Ford (our last bald president), John McCain (our next bald president), Steve Jobs (close enough to bald to get a mention), Steve Schwartzman (ditto), Joe Biden (comb overs count) and of course, me The Big Cram!