If Paul Krugman were a state, I’d actually have been able to win the primary there - and win big. The New York Times columnist can’t get enough of me. And I can’t really say that I blame him. PK bought into my populist message. I just wish more people had.

Maybe I’ll send him a couple bottles of Rain-X. Lord knows Elizabeth would be happy if I got rid of some Rain-X. Our garage is packed to the ceiling with boxes of the greatest glass treatment on the market.

I know what you’re thinking? “When is John Edwards going to go away? After another failed bid for the White House, can’t he just shut his silver-tongued yapper and stop with the bullshit?” But I won’t just vanish. I’m sticking around to offer my insightful commentary on this upcoming historic election. And I will lobby whoever gets the Democratic nomination to offer me the Vice Presidency. Or at least the dang Attorney General.

Yes, looks like the future is bright for Johnny Edwards after all. As bright as the view through my windshield, courtesy of Rain-X. Available at Pep Boys and other fine stores.