It's come to the point where after a concert, I have more scraps of paper stuffed into my pocket and tossed into my guitar case than panties. This is crazy. And the panties are all un-used these days. It's like people are just buying packs of new panties and tossing them onto stage. If you're going to do that, at least send me guy's underwear. It would save me the cost of buying new undies.

What's sending me over the edge is that all these scraps of paper have a MySpace address of a band. No one has websites anymore. No one sends me demo CDs of their stuff. And long gone are the days of lavishing me with praises and gifts to butter me up to check out someone's band. Now it's all, "I want to make it big. I want a record deal. But I'm too lazy to put forth any effort, so, dude, here's a link to MySpace account."

You know what I see when I get to their page? Instead of fans commenting on their music, all I see is "Thanks for the add."

I'm just going to get to the point of it: If I have to go to MySpace to check out your band, then they're probably shit. They probably sound like some combination of Neil Diamond + Interpol + Postal Service.

No one sounds original, or is defined by an original sound. All I hear is people telling me stuff like, "John, check this out, this girl sound like a cross between Ani DiFranco and Johnny Rotten." 

I'm tired of going to MySpace, forgetting my login and password, then returning to my email to get the password sent again, then going back to the original page, picking a song to listen to, and while the song is playing, reading the band's little bio on the left. Each of these no-name bands all have histories with too much information. Do I really care? Sorry, but not really. I have about fifteen thousand of these little pieces of paper, and I'm going to toss them all out. I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm no longer going to MySpace to check out the newest Tori Amos or the newest Dresden Dolls, and I am not interested in "the anti-American Idol." If your band has a MySpace address, then Im ignoring them.

And I have about thirty pairs of white panties that are brand new and have never been used. They're size 6 in case any one needs some.