As many of you know, I am the candidate who stands for the values and principles of the past. I served in a war in the past. I was an esteemed statesman in the past. The past is good. So stop talking about the stuff in the past that wasn't good.

There was an article published about my divorce of my first wife. If you've been reading my diary for a while (God knows my sweet mother has, bless her curious heart) you will understand why I took the opportunity to leave Carol, my deformed ex-wife. The divorce I initiated was completely mutual, even though it is clear she still has feelings for me forty years later. And the modern love of my life, sweet Mama McCain, agrees and is happy that I am fabulously wealthy now because I married Cindy.  

I wanted to remind you of the past I love: apple pies, baseball, cowboys, segregation, and small government. My friends, I did not leave my deformed ex-wife for a beautiful, young rich girl because I am an opportunist. I did it because I love America. And I love America because it truly is the land of opportunity.

God bless.