That Michelle Obama really puts the sass in Sasperila. She reminds me of Whoopi Goldberg -- saying it like it is no matter who she offends or how many nuns she deceives. And I'm not just comparing her to Whoopi because they are both black. My friends always remark about how I can't see color. (Like Denzel Washington -- did you guys know he was black?! I just found that out.)

Today I came out and defended Michelle for that time she said this election is the first time in her adult life she's been proud of America. This is what I told her: 

"I think she probably meant I'm 'more proud,' you know, is what she really meant," Bush told ABC News. "You have to be very careful in what you say. I mean, I know that, and that's one of the things you learn and that's one of the really difficult parts both of running for president and for being the spouse of the president, and that is, everything you say is looked at and in many cases misconstrued."

When people are paying attention to every little thing you say -- even the racist throwaways you use to fill gaps in conversations -- you need start mincing words and trying to sound as post-lobotomal as possible.

Like sometimes you might say that white azeliahs are the retarded children of the flower garden -- ruining everyone's good time with uncontrolably shreaking -- when you meant to say that you'd prefer some pink snapdragons or a few lovely blue Hydrangeas, you know, something not gay.

Or you might casually joke to the press corps on a foreign affairs trip that the whole continenent smells like AIDS. Really you may have meant that AIDS has no discernable odor; Africa smells just fine.

Michelle, I have no doubt you will pick up these lessons. Once you master them, you can move on to phase two of Laura's First Lady Media Training: Saying Junk You Don't Mean. Like did you ever realize you can say anything you want even if you don't believe it just cause it sounds nice. You can give advice to prospective first ladies when really you don't give two duck farts what happens to 'em.