As is the usual and regular, the international media and journalism groups are on my back again, this time for shutting down Shargh newspaper because of their recent interview with some lesbian woman ex-pat living in Canada.
I didn’t read the interview myself because my presidential eyes are well-protected from such offensive, pornographic dissidence … and even if they weren’t and even if I was interested in reading the blasphemous article myself, I wouldn’t have gotten through it anyway — the first paragraph was a total snoozer and the pictures were as unenticing as the rotting gheimeh bademjan that’s been sitting in my refrigerator since February.
However, my aides did comb through the interview to inform me that, while mostly about poetry, the article contained this offensive quotation by the woman interviewee, Saghi Ghahreman:
“Sexual boundaries must be flexible … The immoral is imposed by culture on the body.”
Listen, I majored in engineering, not post-modern Foucaultian gender theory, so I don’t know what you’re talking about. But - and this is between you and me, Internet - despite my hardline religious exterior, I do know that hot lesbian ladies are a universal truth. Spice it up a little! Maybe some suggestive woman-on-woman eye contact?