In a recent episode of The Bachelorette, the male suitors were asked to compose a song for bachelorette Deanna. It’s hard not to be a snob when people are so untalented. Most of the verse went something like this:

Deanna, I need you
Please don’t go away
If you go away
I’ll be so sad
I won’t be glad
Deanna, I need you

Deanna, I need you to take off your high heels and stab those morons in the eye for me, okay? Deanna, I need to you give me the final rose. Don’t worry, I’m not attracted to you, but it would be great marketing. Hey, I even wrote a song for you:

Look at my pale dong
And its pulse beating to this sing-along
I’m the guy without any pants on
If jizzing on the set is bad
I wanna be wrong