Even when they forced me to leave the race (under threat of commitment), I still won’t completely go away. No instead, I have chosen to make sports analogy after sports analogy. First to Politico reporter Roger Simon:
I may be in a position like the pitcher who goes to the bullpen. He is not on the mound, but should something happen, he is ready to come in for relief.
And then in my concession speech:
If this were the NCAA and the Final Four — two Democrats, two Republicans — I would be in it.
Let me expand on these. Usually when a pitcher needs to come out of the game, he is starting to lose his stuff. Maybe he has become senile and has forgotten where the strike zone is. Perhaps he has an aneurysm while making a pick off move to first. Or maybe Buckie, my developmentally disabled nephew, finally gets his act together and snipes McCain from the bleachers.
In college basketball, they don’t have a round robin between the final three teams to determine the champion. That would be anti-climactic, and you could have a situation where the final game is played by the losers of the first two games, and the champion has already been decided. Or you could have a tiebreak that comes down to point differential. That would be lame.
You see. I should be President. After all, in curling the shoot doesn’t deliver the rock without first coordinating the pitch with the broomer. I mean, that would be ridiculous.