It has come to my attention that our young people in the fields of science and technology are finally making advancements toward what I predict to be the most important invention of our lifetimes: the invisible cloak. I had hoped that the completion of the invisible cloak would have been achieved decades ago, but I am nevertheless most pleased by its imminent arrival.

Like you, I have spent much of my time pondering that great philosophical question: What would I do with my invisible cloak? I do believe I’ve constructed, in my mind, the idyllic day of cloaking, and it plays out thusly:

I awake to the news that work on the invisible cloak is complete, and only one cloak shall be produced and that cloak delivered to Morgan Freeman, forthwith. I receive my cloak and adorn myself with it. No one can see me (I have checked the mirror to verify).

I sit down to a meal of cornmeal and ham pancakes with grits, which I eat leisurely. I am still invisible and I smile with this knowledge. I read the paper, and the headline reads: “Morgan Freeman Invisible.”

I then walk down to the local aerobics facility and spend the rest of the day in the women’s locker room. I can see everything.