It is this day that Americans will vote. Not many of them, but some. Also not those who already cast ballots absently. You know who you are.

My campaign has not been seen much on the TV or in the newspapers, because your corrupted election system does not give favor to outsiders who do not play by the rules of the establishment, like your Naders and your Kucinichs and your foreign-born terrorist masterminds, just for example.

Luckily there's still time to consider casting your vote for me. Allow me to explain why an Osama presidency would be what America needs.

• An Osama Presidency will mean low taxes for all. What does government need with your monies? To build roads and bridges? You will just use these to escape. To provide healthy care? You don't need to be healthy. 
• An Osama Presidency will mean an end to partisan bickering. You don't like what Osama does, you don't have to stay ... alive. 
• An Osama Presidency will mean lots of sex for men. Women will be returned to the home where they'll be lonely all day. Veils will be lifted from 8 PM to 8:10PM. If you need more than ten minutes, then you are doing it wrong.

Many of you are probably thinking, this Osama is crazy, I am not voting for him! I am voting for that other guy with basically the same name as him! All I can say is, you do whatever you want smarty head. It is a free country--for now.