Whoops! I have to admit something. I had, uh, hired this guy to break up the Super Bowl by shooting people. I’m sorry.
But in my defense, I was desperate - I thought Eli was going to wuss out and Dick Lips was going to win the big game! And I hired this guy when I was drunk! Then I passed out and forgot about it.
You know what? Now that I think about it, this “sniper” is such a dick.
First of all, he didn’t go through with his plans to shoot people at the Super Bowl so that it would be canceled. Thanks, Hammy! What if I had really wanted you to do it, and not just when I was drunk????
Second of all, I specifically told him to “come up with a good excuse” about why he was doing it. And he came up with “you didn’t give me a liquor license”????? Oh, boy! Hey everybody, let’s have a revolution! Break out the high-powered rifles!
Third of all, I gave that dude my autograph for his pending services. My autograph is worth like $3. That dude owes me $3!