Specifically your eyeballs are getting fat, and they're blurring your reality. You know when you see one of those mega fat people, the kind who buy two airplane seats, and then you see a regular fat person and they almost look normal. That effect is going on.

Also there's a hormone imbalance majiggy. But really it's about you being too fat.

My fingers are so skinny I can fit two comfortably on a single letter key, which is why I'm redesigning the keyboard to make each letter it's own touchpad. Based on which corner you strike and an algorithium that measures your finger's temperature, the computer will determine whether you wanted a lower case or a capital. Shift key, your days are numbered. Caps lock be afraid. I'm pulling the plug on the stupid AppleTV thing. This has more promise. Trust me.

These hormones are also not going to my brains like they'se supposed to. I fit into lady's jeans the other day. And not just lady jeans, Lady girl jeans.