Holy crap! I just made the greatest VC investment of all time. Chuck Norris is going to make the returns on Google, Skype, and YouTube look like goddam bank loans. Plus, unlike Skype Chuck Norris always achieves his earn out.

The best part of this deal is that there is literally zero risk to us or any future acquirors. This is all made possible by Chuck’s unique ability to divide by zero and thereby neutralize Beta. Trust me–I’ve seen the math–it’s complicated and needs to run on a supercomputer–but it works flawlessly. If you insert almost any investment amount into the function f(x)=Chuck(Norris) you always get an enterprise value of $50 billion.

Go ahead, try running a DCF on Chuck at home. Your puny Excel 2007 can’t handle Chuck Norris. It doesn’t even know where to begin iterating on those biceps. Know why? You can’t discount Chuck Norris’ cash flows. Chuck discounts your cash flows because he is the WACC.