I hate to sound like a crab, but I’ve got a beef to air with my neighbors. You know the type who plays music that can be heard over rustling leaves, has parties that last past 7 pm, and flashes patronizing smiles when you bring over the welcome pimento loaf.

Well, I’ve got a neighbor that trumps the antics of any of those previously mentioned clowns. South Korea! I haven’t gotten one wink of sleep since they came out with those freakish glow cats.

You would think having a sea separating us from these toxic beasts would help, but that wretched pewter color reflects off the water right into my window. Closing my drapes doesn’t help. I know they’re still there. I haven’t slept for over a week and I’m starting to think crazy thoughts. I decided if I couldn’t beat them, I would join them. I dumped out the contents of a glow stick and smeared it all over my body. Then I told my wife I was off to get whisker implants. Luckily she diverted my attention with cat nip and a scratching post.

South Korea: For the love of all that is sane in the world, turn off your glow cats! At the very least, set them to timers or add a switch that allows you to dim them in the evening hours.