Photo by: Suneko via Flickr

Hey there, I’m Rachael Ray, and I watch thirty-minute TV shows. Betcha didn’t think I had time, on account of how I’m so busy, did ya? Well, joke’s on you, buddy: I TiVo everything, and have my husband zip rrrrrright on through all the ads, so I can tinker with my recipes while I watch 24. Boom! Hahaha.

Anyway, so I was watching the finale, and messin’ around with a butterscotch sundae recipe, figuring out how to get a little chicken stock action goin’ on in it, when my husband hit the wrong button on the remote control, and I totally went apeshit and would have told him we were over, except I can’t remember what his name is. Can anyone? it went to PBS. And although I was in, like, hundred percent panic mode — we’re talkin’ Orange Alert meltdown here, people — I realized what was on: NOVA! Dude, I hadn’t watched NOVA in years! Coooooooool.

So while John “Husband” Cusimano (not that I had my publicist Wiki me up to find his name or anything) was fussing with the remote, I managed to watch a full 90 seconds of NOVAlicious entertainment. It was awesome and a half, man! They had a bit about how female sharks can reproduce without mating, just like some snakes and lizards, and it was totally all ‘like a fish needs a bicycle,’ ya know? Except it was also totally just like Jurassic Park, where the frogs did that too, and because they made dinosaurs from frog specks (hahaha, Fracon Bits! Rad), the dinosaurs could as well.

I wish Ms. Oberston, my biology teacher from back in the day at Lake George Middle School (Goooo Troubadours!!!), had been there to give me an A++ for applying outside experiences to science facts. OMG, I can’t believe I remembered her name! How good is my memory?

Um, so then I had the best menu idea ever! If all these Independent Woman Part III sharks don’t even need to bother with men sharks to have babies it means soooo many more sharks around! And that means a trip to Tasty Town for you, dear viewers! So let me present:

A Fin-tastic Menu

• Hammerhead Broccoli Bites with Megalodon Bacon
• Great White Grillorama with Lemon-Tarragon Vinaigrette and Boston Lettuce Salad
• Jaws-Dropping Apple Crisp

Check for it in Fall 2007, and I’ll see you next time! Remember, a tasty meal is just a channel flip away!