Did you hear the latest comedy joke? It's about president Obama and congress rallying to create a stimulus package to stop me. Haha! The punchline is in the utter futility of the attempt. Not laughing? Maybe you had to be there.

But simply put, your stimulus packages, your bailouts, are laughably ineffective. It would be like trying to stop a tornado by throwing a chair at it. Or attempting to keep the Titantic afloat by bailing out the incoming water with a shot glass. Do you get my point?

I am the recession and I use analogies excessively.

Your attempts at recovery are cute. When I'm falling asleep at night, I often smile at them with a mixture of endearment and condescension. As if you were a 5-year-old child who said you were going to be a fireman and the president when you grow up.