Associated Press

Do you feel that? I am “HOT,” as the kids say around the drug store hang-outs. I’m the talk of all the soda jerks in Green Tree, Pennsylvania — my hometown. My assistant tells me that something called “The Daily Show” wants to feature me as a guest. Probably the project of the local high school’s radio broadcast class. We’re a pretty tech-savvy bunch o’ folk around here.

When I was a kid, I delivered milk to the great Honus Wagner, a gentleman of some great athletic prowess who had once been a star of the game of base & ball. Speaking of gentlemen, my assistant tells me also that I’m to be featured in a periodical called “Gentlemen’s Quarterly.” It’s not anything I’ve ever heard of around Green Tree. It must be the product of one of the big towns like Altoona, Hazelton, or Chambersburg. (Chambersburg is known for their lightning quick postal service.)