Senator Biden, let me assure you that my sentences consist of more than just a “noun, a verb and 9/11.” For example: “I will 9/11 your ass all the way back to that pool of cat vomit you call Delaware!” As you can clearly see, in that sentence I properly employ a broad syntactic range. Here are some recent examples:

“The Boston Red Sox’s 9/11-ing of the Colorado Rockies reminded me of my own 9/11-ing of 9/11.”

See that? It’s called a gerund, you ass. (Followed by a direct mention of The Holy Event) Want more?

“My huge 9/11 functions without any pharmaceutical assistance.”

Yeah, we call that an adjective, punk. Trust me, I can do this all day. I am SO much more than a noun, a verb and 9/11.

• “I am of 9/11”

(preposition)

• “I am awesomely 9/11”

(adverb)

• “Being a tragedy, I was able to use the 9/11”

(dangling modifier)

• “I am the 9/11!”

(article)

That concludes today’s lesson.