Fact: Shaq is currently in China on vacation.

Fact: China and LeBron James are teaming up to destroy America and Shaquille O’Neal.

Mythical Fiction: Shaq is a secret member of the Chinese army, or he is visiting a secret Chinese mistress, or he is ¼ Chinese and is visiting his ancestral fishing village.

Fact: It is hard to hide secrets when you stick out like … a 7-foot black guy in China.

Fact: Shaq is sponsoring LiNing, a Chinese shoe company.

Associated Press

Unfortunate Silliness: Shaq thought Li Ning was an American fleece zip-in factory.

Fact: Shaq will use this blunder as an opportunity for advancement on his geopolitical chessboard.