So you all know the proper way to raise my son, is that right? It’s funny. I’ve never told another woman how to handle her child. I’ve never grabbed another woman’s shoulder and shaken her violently to her knees because she let her toddler play with a Dora the Explorer doll with ears so sharp they could dig out an eye with one quick sandbox tumble. I’ve never choked a father for allowing his son to chew on a popsicle stick after the cancer-producing dyed ice was all sucked down.
I’ve wanted to, sure. I’ve sat gripping the bottom of a park bench watching such things, but I’ve kept my mouth shut. WHY? Because what these sick people irresponsibly do with their helpless child is NONE OF MY BUSINESS.
Yeah. I wanted to inject Botox into the bottom of Roan’s feet. It’s called good parenting. If you’d have smelled those puddle jumpers, then you would have bypassed all other remedies and reached for the needle just like I told my nanny to. Wearing socks with his shoes and using a deodorant just masks the problems instead of nipping it in the bud.Roan needs to be protected. Roan needs to be safe. He’s not allowed to use silverware. Not even a plastic spork. In fact, I’ve had his fingernails surgically removed so that he’ll never accidentally stab any area around his mouth. He either scoops up his food with his hands like people in India or Asia or I regurgitate the steroid-free chicken breast right over his filed down incisors.
Roan’s father let’s him sleep on a bed that hasn’t been cleaned or checked for mites in a lab. Roan’s father let’s him watch television without UV-blocking sunglasses. Roan’s father allows my reason-to-live play in a backyard that has one pit bull, three beagles, one Scottish terrier, one poodle and seven German Shepherds in a two-block radius.
I will continue to care for my son my way, judge or no judge. And if it comes down to a “Boxing Helena” scenario, so be it. Hmm. Maybe I’ll pen the sequel. I’ve got the time. Plus there’s no way it could be as bad as “Basic Instinct 2.”
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