via whitehouse.gov

Y’all like Big Ben? I do.
Y’all like Neil Irwin? Me, too.
Y’all like Irwin’s article about Big Ben’s big speech at the Big Top tomorrow? Me, neither.

If you’re too lazy or impatient to click on a damn link, Neil says Big Ben best not say too much at his Fed speech tomorrow, lest the markets pull a Lo-Lo. Of course he also says Big Ben best not say too little lest the markets pull a Lo-Lo. C’mon, Neil. You better than that, baby. Take a chance. Go out on a limb. At least make a prediction of some sort. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t — what kind of shit is that? If that’s all it takes to become a business reporter for one of the nation’s most respected papers, then what the fuck am I doing writing for News Groper?

You want my prediction? Big Ben goes out and says, “All you dumbasses who thought it was smart to load your portfolio with subprime lenders deserve what you got. Short term, high risk, tough shit.” And the market’s gonna pull a Lo-Lo, but all the smart motherfuckers already divested the volatile stocks and just sit back with a smile on their faces. Now how much does the WaPost pay per word?