Recently, it was disclosed through one of those meddling blogs that some of us here at the Blackstone Group have a side fund to make passive investments. Indeed, Blackport Capital Fund has invested in International Wire Group Inc.

But here are some other side funds that some of us Blackstone have also been using to help stay ahead of the competition:

• Blackdog Preservation Capital: This fund insures that certain members of the Blackstone staff will have a table available at the Black Dog Tavern at Martha’s Vineyard in perpetuity (seriously, they’d throw the Queen of England out on her ass).

• Blackshoe Silent Partners: A fund that invests in technologies that address the worldwide problem of piercing squeaks of people’s shoes.

• Blackout Investment Fund: Will sell marked-up electricity during blackouts or other calamities at a very high profit.

• Blackula Capital Group: Helps finance Blacksploitation films. Rudy Ray Moore and Fred Williamson are two of the managing directors.



• Blackbag Ventures: Invests in spin-off businesses from the secret end of the Department of Homeland Security. I would like to tell you more about this, but I would end up in Guantanamo Bay.

There are a few dozen more that we haven’t filed yet with the SEC. But have no fear, if there’s something in the world that can be exploited or sold, The Steve is on the case with the fund in the making.