Stephen Schwarzman’s Blog

Eat or be eaten

By Stephen Schwarzman

Bio & Blog

By now, you've heard lots of complaining from Bear Stearns employees about how the buyout by JPMorgan doesn't value their stock enough and how they've worked there for so long and boo hoo hoo. Listen, this is capitalism people. Why would JPMorgan value your stock at a fraction of its trading price? Because they can. Why pay a fair price when you can buy something at barely legal prices with the government's help?

Bear Stearns employees should have seen the opaque handwriting on the wall and gotten out of there when the getting was good. There's no such thing as job security in this world. If Enron didn't teach you that, there's no help for you.

But this is no time to pooh-pooh capitalism. My advice to you: start your own buyout firm. It worked for me. They're going to name part of the New York Public Library after me, thanks to the cool $100 million I slid their way the other week. I've got my eyes on other great landmarks as well. You may be making your final commute back to your soon-to-be-foreclosed-on home through Grand Schwarzman Terminal.

Stephen Schwarzman Email Alerts

feed This Blogger's RSS Feed

News Groper Weekly Email

Get the very best & funniest of News Groper in our weekly email newsletter.

Comments

Wingnut:

Hi

You DO see the pyramid scheme symbol on the back of the USA one dollar bill, right? You DO see the servitude infestation in capitalism, right? Do you see the "pay up or lose your wellbeing" Chicago mob-like felony extortion widespread within capitalism? Do you see the "join or starve" felony extortion done to the 18 year olds... by this ugly competer's church called capitalism? See the "sharktank" they get thrown into by their slavecorp parents? See rich parents do that? See how forcing competer's religions onto 18 year olds... kills membership in the cooperator's church (Christianity/socialism)?? Do you understand that AmWay (American Way) (New World Order) got "the exclusive" on the TYPE of survival coupons (money) accepted in supply depots (stores) and leverages 18 years olds into the organization via that felony activity as well? Do you understand how farmyard pyramids work... from your childhood?? Remember?? Upper 1/3 are "heads in the clouds" while the kids on the bottom ALWAYS GET HURT from the weight of the world's knees in their backs? Still with me? Do you see anything illegal, immoral, or just plain sick... in any of this pyramid scheme's activities? Anyone home???

Us American Christian socialists are still patiently awaiting the natural fall of the pyramid-o-servitude, or the busting of the free marketeers felony... by the USA Dept of Justice. Us Christians are VERY CLOSE to issuing a cease and desist order until the servitude and inequality goes away... which means it turns into a commune. Commune is a word we LOVE when used in the word "community"... but its one the caps HATE when used in the term "commune-ism". Go fig. PROGRAMMED!!

Time to level the felony pyramid scheme called capitalism. Abolish economies and ownershipism worldwide, and hurry. Economies just cause rat-racing, and rat-racing causes felony pyramiding. BUST IT, America! Look to the USA military supply/survival system... for socialism and morals done right. Equal, owner-less, money-less, bill-less, timecard-less, and concerned with growth of value-criteria OTHER THAN money-value. There are MANY measurement criteria of "value"... not just dollars. Try morals, efficiency, discrimination-levels, repairability, etc etc. Economies are cancerous tumors, and to cheer for their growth... is just insane. Profiting causes inflation, so if you caps LIKE inflation, and if you LIKE a terrible time in afterlife when you meet the planet's ORIGINAL OWNER before caps tried to squat it all with ownershipism, then keep it up with the felony pyramiding. I dare you. While us Christians are finally bulldozing that pyramid scheme back to level, lets make servitude and "join or starve" illegal in the USA, and lets level the architecture seen in USA courtrooms, too. Right now, USA courtrooms are church simulators or "fear chambers", by special design. Sick.

Isn't enlightenment FUN!!!???

Larry "Wingnut" Wendlandt
MaStars - Mothers Against Stuff That Ain't Right
(anti-capitalism-ists)
Bessemer MI USA

3/20/2008 4:01 PM

Bob Dylan:

Wingnut, I love your poetry. Do you see the wigwam glowing blue green? Do you see the dollar bills in a cook pot, like macaroni steam? Do you see the wheelbarrow goose head children singing in a Turkish sweat house?

3/20/2008 5:22 PM

AYN RAND:

If you want to see what happens in a non ownership society, and under a socialist government, read Atlas Shrugged! If there are no capitalists and business owners, where would the government and "looters" get the money to provide for the lazy!Please name a truly socialist or communist country that has survived and thrived as the USA has.

3/21/2008 1:52 PM

Kim Jong-il:

Culture has thrived in North Korea without the evil influence of capitalism. We have been free of the strikes that afflicted your Hollywood and Broadway. My screenplays are a testament to the creativity that capitalism stifles. Go back to your grave, Ayn.

3/21/2008 2:07 PM

Friedrich Nietzsche:

Ayn you miserable slut. How anyone can misread and misinterpret my concept of will to power I'll never know. Atlas Shrugged? Please, I wouldnt even let the freshmen at University of Basel use it as toilet paper had I still been teaching there. The sad part of this whole argument and the bailout of so called objectivist and laissez-faire capitalists is that we're doomed to have it repeat. Now pardon me while I go groom my mustache.

3/21/2008 5:39 PM

Ben Bernanke:

Nietzsche, I'm a follower of yours. As you may or may not know, Alan Greenspan was a student of Ayn Rand (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alan_Greenspan#Greenspan_and_Objectivism). The disastrous results of this association on Greenspan's economic thought is self-evident. Hank Paulson and I expect the $600 refund check to provide significant will to power the economy. As a sign of solidarity, I shall groom my beard.

3/21/2008 6:11 PM

Add a comment

Post comment as
Selecting the name of a News Groper blogger will override your real name.
This field is required
Comment Extras
Our editors like to give kudos to people who write particularly funny comments. We promise not use your email address for any other reason.