The Guardian, following the longstanding magazine tradition of making senseless lists for the sheer joy of making senseless lists, recently released its much-anticipated-by-no-one "Media 100," which ranks influential UK media people. To my surprise, I am ranked number 63 on the list, which apparently means I have to take orders from number 62, Roly Keating, but I can tell Lucian Grainge (number 64), to shine my shoes and he has to do it.
I am now, for lack of a better term, a "major player in the industry," and I can do what I like. I'm going to wear sunglasses all the time now.

And that's not all. Here are other changes I'm going to implement:
The following instruments are banned from popular music: the mandolin, the glockenspiel, the accordian, the harpsicord, the slide whistle, and especially the banjo. If this means The Decemberists will have to disband, that's a risk I'm willing to take.



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