I was thinking the other day. Just … thinking. And I do my best thinking when I’m laughing at my reflection in the mirror, pulling at my face until I can see the red under my eyes … so I was doing that, too. And you know what occurred to me? There is someone out there who needs my help, someone who needs to be taught KRQ and the moral code, and I am the only person who can help her. I’m talking about Britney Spears.

Now, this isn’t about me. It just isn’t. See, I’ve already received the Double Medal of Ultimate Freedom and Valor, and I’ve twice earned the Super Secret Omega-Unicorn Medallion for World Domination (SSOUMWD).

No, this isn’t about me. This about someone who has three personalities. This is about the Church eliminating two of them; hopefully the demented crying one and the fat British one. This is about Britney. And me, not Bart Simpson, being the one who saves her.