Every now and then, in the middle of the night when I have the chance to practice my levitating (I think I’ve almost got it), I can hear Katie talking in her sleep. When Katie talks in her sleep, she says the opposite of what she means – like she’ll say she hates my “gay English schoolboy haircut,” when in reality she understands that my hairstyle makes me look young and cutting edge, like a singer in a cool indie rock band.

Sometimes Katie will even sleep-talk about my career, saying the opposite of what she thinks about whatever project I’m working on. Last night after it was announced that the release of  my new film Valkyrie will be delayed, for example, she was sleep-wishing that the release date be pushed back forever – which I know means she can’t wait for the premiere!

I think Katie’s extra excited about Valkyrie because it’s a film that will undoubtedly win back a lot of my fans – she’s always saying I need a role that will remind everyone why they love me. Well, I think Valkyrie is the next best thing to Jerry Maguire 2; just instead of a loveable sports agent, I’m a one-eyed, one-handed Nazi colonel who slaughters an entire room of people before he’s executed by firing squad! Yes!!