Let me tell you a little story that starts back in the day when I was one of the first employees at a little startup called Hewlett-Packard—on second thought, it’s actually a pretty long and boring story. You know what though? I’ve got a big yacht. The Maltese Falcon is just so freakin’ long, it turns me on more than Carly Fiorina at a closed door session of an HP Board Meeting.
It’s got 90’ tall masts that are stiff as a young lad at a middle school dance. Hmmm … did that sound gay? I’m thinking that may have come off as a little fruity. That’s OK. When you’re a billionaire you can do things normal people can’t, like making explicitly gay comments or looking really gay without being gay.***
Back to my yacht. Setting sail with the wind and salt water in my face makes me feel alive and free—free as a bird—free as the highly endangered 47’ black Andorran falcon I had stuffed and mounted on my mainsail. What you thought I would settle for a silk screen? Screw that. This ain’t no Disney Cruise. Tommy P. only does the real thing.
*** Steve Jobs for instance. He’s the only straight man on earth who can pull off a mock-turtleneck without people thinking he’s gay.
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