Associated Press

It’s a question people ask me all the time since leaving office – “If you could do it all again, Tony? What would you do different?”

I’d be more me, is all, more Blairite. Of course being naked’s just part of that, but, you know – I’d be more me, more … more Tony. I mean, WMD aside (I was lied to, too), I was infuckingfallible in just about everything else. So there.

But looking forward. Exciting times indeed since leaving Number 10! I’ve learned how to use a mobile phone and have been getting used to stopping at red lights. Traffic lights, not, well, ah’m, you know, red-red lights. Moving on, I picked up a nice little earner - now that the Palestinian uprising is over – I have anointed – sorry, appointed myself to be the official Peace Envoy to The Middle East (PETME). I sorted out the Irish, peace in The Middle East will be a piece of piss.