Hahahahahaha!

Christian Bale beats his mom and sister! Just picture it. I have! Mrs. Bale probably served him chamomile tea before it was properly steeped, and her punishment was Christian throwing the boiling tea in her face. Then sister Bale rushes over to attend to ma's burn wounds, when Bale -- his bloodlust unquenched -- kicks her repeatedly in her pregnant tummy. Or maybe it was just a traditional fist pummeling.

Either way, this is hands down the best day of my life! It's like having Christmas, your birthday and blow job day all occur simultaneously while someone feeds you steak throughout the day. A few nights ago, I prayed for something horrible to happen to him. And while he didn't get into a horrendous car crash that disfigured his face, or get de-pants to reveal his tiny weenie, I'll take it! Let it not be said that Val Kilmer is greedy.