Hello world. Did you see this? The people of Russia have spoken and they have unanimously (64.1 %) stated that they want my party in charge of Russia. This also clearly means they want me to continue running the country and be their leader forever and ever. That is what a mandate means.

Oh the things I will do with my mandate! First, I will hunt down the 35.9 percent of the people that voted for another party. Thank God their are voting records we can use to track down these obviously crazy, criminal members of society.

Second, I will celebrate by throwing an Oprah Winfrey style bash where I give away my favorite things. My gifts will be releasing a chokehold on a young dissenter, giving him the gift of life. Obviously this is for theatrics, as I will destroy him with judo chops later on behind the curtain. I will give an audience member a refrigerator. Only I will throw the refrigerator at him. If he is not crushed completely, he may keep it. Behind the scenes, I will obviously take it back since it is not fair to only give it to one person and not the others. Then I will most likely be sick with all of the greedy people expecting hand outs and throw them out on the street.

Next, with my mandate, I will set aside large amounts of tax money for a scientific exploration of cybernetic enhancement of the human body. Afterall, what good is a mandate where the Russian people clearly declare that they want you as their leader until the end of time if I am unable to live forever? Hopefully with more funding, scientists will be able to make me a cyborg. I am primarily interested in extending my lifespan. We can work on increasing super strength and intelligence later on down the road. Although, I would even in the earliest stages demand scientists embed my eyes with laser beam shooting technology. It is just something I’ve always wanted.

Not all is glorious in Russia now, though. Some are accusing Russia of dirty politics. They whine that the vote was unfair and claim that strings were pulled. George Bush and the meddling Americans are now asking for an investigation. If I was part robot, I could jetpack over to America and simply dispatch Bush with my lasers. Being a cyborg would make everything so much easier!