People are begging me to stay on as President of Russia. "Please Sir Putin, do not give up leadership of this country. You are perfect." I must confess to them and to you blog readers that I am not perfect. I am very close, but not completely without defect. I have been trying to have scientists alienate the few remaining chromosomes of my body that are imperfect. In a few months, with any lucky, I will have a super steel enforced exoskeleton and be able to shoot dinosaurs out of my wrists. I know it sounds a little wild, but when I was a kid I always imagined I was a superhero that could shoot dinosaurs out of my wrists. Imagine being able to project velocaraptors at enemies. It would be an awesome mutant ability.  

Anyway, the truth is I am indeed giving up the throne of the President on May 7th. I honestly can't remember the name of the fellow who is supposed to take over control. I think his name is "Medievel" or something. I remember looking through a big book of government official names and picking his because I always used to say that to people before I tortured them with my laser beams: "I'm going to get medieval on you now."

I must confess, there is a lot of pressure being the President of Russia. I’m actually glad I’m not going to be in the hot seat anymore. By the way I have had some of my men rig the Presidential chair with actual electricity so if the new President does not do exactly as I command it will literally be a hot seat.

As Russia's new prime minister, I at least won’t be in the spotlight as much any longer, which will allow me to return to my favorite hobby--spying. First, I have plans to go fishing with a buddy in a lake in Chechnya and then launch a surprise attack destroying several shipping ports vital to their economy. I also plan to travel to the U.S. and tour places I’ve always wanted to see such as the FBI and CIA information vaults. I would also love to do something I’ve always dreamed of doing before I die: assassinate a US president.

So after today, if you hear on the news that the Bush has just been mauled by a flying projectile velocaraptor, then please know that I have successfully accomplished one of my life-long dreams!

- Putin Out!