You may have heard last week that I brought down a rampaging, blood thirsty tiger using a tranquilizer gun. I saved a team of scientists and Russian television crew in the process. This is all true. It was instinct and nothing more.

I did want to clear up the circumstances of this event though. I was on an expedition to study tigers and see if the cartoon I had recently seen called Thundercats could ever become reality. Well, just as I was telling a scientist about my plans to engineer a human/tiger panther hybrid, a tiger attacks.

I actually went for my KGB laser gun. I had planned to shoot a hole through the tiger or disintegrate the animal completely. Instead I mistakenly picked up a mere tranquilizer weapon.  I walked over to the animal and got my tools ready to skin the cat and to dress the meat when a scientist said, "He's not dead. You've merely tranquilized him, Sir Putin."

There is a lot of talk going on in the jungle that if I didn't have my weapon, the tiger would have beaten me.  Well, if the tiger wants a rematch I would be glad to put my title on the line. If the tiger beats me, he can become the new ruler of Russia. So what do you say, tiger? Are you safe and happy in your little protected environment, or do you want revenge?

(AFP PHOTO / ALEXEY DRUZHININ )