Countdown to meeting the man: 71 hours, 47 minutes, 28 seconds.
I mean this is George freakin’ W. Bush! A living legend! He shoots down terrorists, twirls his guns, then delivers a clever line just before the credits roll. He’s done it all!
…and I’ve done nothing. I don’t have one captured terrorist to my name, and I’m meeting the man in less than 3 days? What am I supposed to say for myself? Well thankfully, the answer stuck to me like a thorn in my side - or to choose a more apt metaphor, a pin in a cushion - last week. I’ve uncovered a new, sinister form of terrorism brewing right under my nose: Sewing circles.
This menace appeared in Sapporo last week when a sewing pin found on a subway train seat precipitated a code 4 evacuation. Now I must admit, I don’t know all that much about the technologies used by terrorists today, but I do know that I don’t want my freedom threatened by a cross-stitched bomb or a hand-quilted grenade. As Prime Minister, I have a duty to protect my people from any danger, be they nuclear, chemical, or crocheted.
I called the White House to deliver the somber news of new terrorism threats and got patched through straight to the prez, himself. As expected, he was a true sage. After explaining the situation, Mr. Bush said to me:
You know, Yasuo (He knows my first name!!! *swoon*), sewing is a beautiful activity enjoyed by thousands around the world when used for good. Why, just last week, Laura darned the cutest set of booties for Miss Beazley. It’s such a joy to watch her prance around in the garden with them on. But terrorists, they have a knack for ruining a good thing. They don’t want to darn booties. They want to darn freedom. Hey, that was good. Remind me to stick that into the press conference.
George promised to infiltrate the American sewing scene ASAP. Let me tell you, my heart skipped a beat when the CIA came back with an organization in Seattle called “Sew What?” that used exotic yarns from countries bordering Al-Qaeda strongholds.
I’m so relieved I can now make my trip to the White House as a successful soldier in the battle against terrorism. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some scarves and sweaters to burn.
“Sew What” operative plotting ways to take away our freedom.
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