Photo by DildoMachinA via flickr

I’ve been the butt of more than a few jokes this past week. It leaked out last week that the only reason I became the Prime Minister of Japan is because of a bad case of the runs. They are mocking me, asking me how it feels being the heir to a stained throne.

Well you know what? I’m proud. Now maybe we do politics a bit differently here in Japan, but it is well known throughout the country that a man who produces slimy and weak feces can produce nothing but slimy and week legislation. Simply put, how can you trust a man to handle the affairs of a powerful country when he can’t handle the affairs inside his own intestines?

I don’t mean to brag, but the sharpest, most finely crafted katana couldn’t split my droppings. The color is platinum gold and it swirls counter-clockwise inward. Its constitution is second to none. It glistens brilliantly in the morning sun. Speaking frankly, my poo is perfect.

Here Shinz, this is for you. Stay solid…